When I found out I was pregnant, my entire body was frozen in fear. I had imagined me getting my shit together before this day came. We had just closed on our house, had only been married for two years and I was completely unprepared for this. I cried so many days afterwards because I feared failure, I feared losing my freedoms, I feared the unspoken truth I had believed for years... I was unworthy of this gift. My pregnancy was not fun. I ate my feelings, lived in anxiety and resentment for all the cruel and judgmental comments that come from women when you’re pregnant. I had a poverty mindset and I put limitations on our life on a daily basis.
Gage got here on his own terms and any concept of control that I thought I had was obliterated. When I first met him, I remember thinking he looks familiar, like I had seen him before. The second they laid him on my chest, the months of anxiety I had building up, disappeared. I knew in that moment, he chose me. He taught me in an instant that I was worthy of this gift. I cried holding him because it was a love my heart had craved.
I quit my job in marketing about 4 mos after he was born and that was a shock to all of us. We took a leap of faith to live on one income and it was not easy. But I trusted my instincts more than I trusted my fear. And it was the best decision. I would have never quit a steady job to start working for a local newspaper where I met and interviewed hundreds of amazing people. This job renewed my
love for photography and I started shooting here and there. This kick started my photography business and I haven’t stopped shooting since.
I now work full time as a photographer and am building a creative and holistic business of my own.
The thing is, I never would have quit my corporate job and started my own business without Gage. Women are told having children ruins their life, messes up their dreams or limits their freedoms. And motherhood is very challenging. But without the inspiration and the drive to show him how to live from your heart, I would still be working my 9-5.
The lie is that children keep women from fulfilling their dreams. My child is the one who taught me to be myself and to chase my dreams. He teaches me daily to be honest, say your peace and to have more fun.
My creativity exploded when I became a mom. I saw my son’s potential and it helped me realize my own.
Motherhood is not what I feared it would be. My son helped me see my worthiness and for that, I will always be grateful.
What lessons have motherhood taught you?