I celebrated my 33rd birthday in January and was looking back at my photos from my 32nd birthday and just sat there in shock. I was surrounded by people I do not even talk to now, laughing and having a good time eating food I don't even miss eating anymore. I had no idea how exhausted I was. I had no idea how much of my life wasn't my own.
I am grateful for each person who has come into my life because good or bad, they taught me a lesson about how I allowed them to treat me.
The thing is, I didn't know I was good, already accepted, already loved. I thought I had to kill myself trying to earn that. I had been told by my cult-like church and Christian school teachers my entire life that I was selfish, lazy, worldly, stubborn, impossible, out there... all the bad things. I was constantly berated about the way I dress, how I walk is too seductive, how I talk is too flirtatious. And as much push-back as I gave them growing up, eventually that propaganda sunk in. It somehow leaked down into every cell of my belief system. And as that lie seeped its way into my self-talk, I started acting like I needed external approval because internally, I was rotten, right?
I stepped back from every friendship, every obligation, every volunteer role, every single aspect of my time that is spent doing things that I am not passionate about. And I realized I'm really not crazy about most of it. I had created or been involved with 5 local non-profit boards, volunteered as a mentor at my son's school, ran a local radio show for free that interviewed small business owners and helped them expand their audience locally, co-owned an essential oil business and was running my photography business. I literally checked all the boxes. I poured myself into a community that would turn around and reject me over and over again. Why? Because I believed I was bad.
Parents, remember all the lies we were told as 90's kids? All the famous actors/actresses that "died", 9/11, Pluto was a planet, you have to go to college so you can get a good job, you have to go to church so you can get into heaven, if you wear a two piece bikini you are a slut, you can't wear black and brown together, the government is good... the list is never ending. We were conditioned to believe so much that is just flat out wrong. Let's be mindful not to repeat the cycle. Let's teach our children that they are good and they can trust their instincts and intuitions. Let's teach them to order for themselves at restaurants and choose their own hair cut and clothes. If you aren't loving and accepting them, they will find it elsewhere.
I got burned out, used up, taken advantage of, lied to.
I would have never wasted my time had I truly believed I was good and worthy.
My body was wrecked. I ate "healthy" but craved sugar and sweets constantly. When I drank, it was sugary alcoholic drinks that left me puffy and dehydrated and lowered my immune system. I ate dairy which caused so much inflammation. I ate bread all the time which also caused inflammation and created a rich -foods craving and crash cycle. I had no idea it would take me years to undo the damage of living the standard American lifestyle.
I had no idea my body was good, nothing to be ashamed of, and should therefore be fed properly.
I had no idea that by eating and drinking gmo junk, I was lowering my frequency and creating brain fog, tiredness and complacency.
But I woke up one day and decided to take responsibility for my thoughts, my health, my circle of friends. I am not a victim. I was lied to as a child, but guess what, if that line of thinking didn't come from God Himself to me directly, then it's my fault for taking anything a human told me for face value. I was created to be a co-creator. It's my responsibility to heal, learn to focus on my dreams, create boundaries, serve my community.
So believe me when I say...
You are good. Your body is the most powerful living being on this earth. It is not shameful or bad in any way. You have a direct connection to the Father, which makes your body a living temple of the Divine. THAT is AMAZING.
Your body deserves real, non-gmo, non-processed food. Your body remembers everything. Listen to it, trust it, honor it. Biology never lies.
Your mind deserves to be free of brain fog, confusion, the need to numb out or escape. Your mind is a powerful tool that has been conditioned to work against your true self. Learn to hush your mind when your conditioning starts getting uncomfortable.
You have to step back and see the bigger picture- you were not created to fulfill the industrial revolution's needs. You were not created to be shamed into how you dress, your church attendance, eating your emotions, living with no boundaries. You were created to learn, to heal your wounds, to be a living, breathing example of Jesus (LOVE) on the earth.
You are good. Your body is worthy of real food, your mind is perfectly capable of healing.
Prepare yourself for a year full of opportunities to undo your conditioning and to live more true to yourself than ever before. 2021 is going to be full of surprises. I hope you're ready.